Rehearsal and Fear - by Gracie

Hello. I'm Cindy's daughter, Gracie. She has been talking about me in this website. I want to talk to you about the night when I was really scared and I didn't know if I would go to the Hollywood Bowl and sing, or just give up my career and leave it. So, one afternoon when me and Mom were having a little date, we were talking about how good I would be at the Hollywood Bowl. But, then I suddenly realized that if I would go to the Hollywood Bowl I would be pretty shy, but if I didn't, I would be pretty jealous about that because I really want to sing and do a career, and another person might sing if I don't. So I was whining at my Mom, and she was like, "Stop whining," and I was like, "But I don't know what to do for the Hollywood Bowl! I could either do it or not do it. But I don't know!" And my Mom said, "I know, it's a hard choice!" While I ate some chicken and potatoes my Mom was responding. And she said, "You're tired, I know that!" and I'm like, "I'm not tired! Can I have some ice cream? Because it makes me really feel better when I have some ice cream." And my Mom says, "Sure! But I don't think we have ice cream." So I said, "Uh oh, I'm still scared Mom. I don't know." So my Mom said, "Well then don't do it, honey, if you don't want to. I mean really. Your Dad said he could get another singer if you say no, or if you say yes, it's perfectly fine." "But I don't know what I should do! I mean, it may be a big girl thing, but I'm also shy about it, and I'll be pretty jealous of another girl singing that part!"

A few months passed. And then I was on my way to Irvine for rehearsals, and I said again, "I'm scared Mom. I don't want to go to the Hollywood Bowl." "Again?" "Yes, again! I keep saying Yes! No! Yes! No! It's a hard choice!" So I was totally scared and I was kind of shaking. "I know, but honey, really! You don't have to sing tonight if you don't want to." But then the day was getting to be the afternoon. Then I realized that I did have to sing that night. They had to sound check me. Then I was really scared.

So I went to my Mom and I said, "Mom, you didn't tell me that!" "Well, I didn't know!" Then I did the sound check thing, and it was fine. Then it was nighttime and I felt something really weird in my stomach. And I was sniffling. And my feet hurt. And I was like, "Uh oh. I'm sick." How am I going to sing at the Hollywood Bowl when I'm sick? "On no! Mom? I'm sick!" "Oh sweetie, I'm really sorry about that."

The next day I was sick so I was lying down in my Dad's office and I couldn't really sing. My throat was too weird to sing. So what I had to do was get a little rest. But when I woke up my throat was all meshugina and full of frogs. Then it was my turn to go sing. And I said, "On no. I'll sound horrible." Then I did it, but I sounded a little croaky.

The next day I didn't sing at all. I was totally awake. My Mom gave me some tea and some Sprite because I had a fever. So I was just resting. Feeling a little sad. I put my head against my shirt as a pillow and I had a jacket as a blanket. And I started to fall asleep. And I could hear voices in my mind that said, "You'll do well, Gracie."